Conversations with a Four-year-old

VARIOUS UNRELATED LINES OF DIALOGUE FROM CONVERSATIONS WITH A 4-YEAR-OLD:

 

4-year-old, to parents: “I read in the newspaper yesterday that children should stop taking medicine.”

 

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4-year old, to Mom: “I remember everything you ever told me.”

Mom: “You do?”

4-year-old: “Yes.”

Mom: “What did I tell you on January 12th?”

4-year-old: “‘Don’t be disgruntled.’”

 

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Dad (me) to 4-year-old and/or his 2-year-old brother (at least once a day): “Pants on! Pants ON!”

 

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4-year-old, to Dad: “I don’t want to be brined.”

 

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Dad, or Mom, to 4-year-old, and/or his 2-year-old brother, on more than one occasion: “That’s not a bludgeon!”

 

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4-year-old, in car: “Everyone in America has a bottom. And everyone with a bottom is in America.” [Fact check: False.]

 

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Mom: “Do you have a headache?”

4-year-old: “Yeah.”

Mom: “Where does it hurt?”

4-year-old: “Here.”

Mom: “How does it feel?”

4-year-old: “Like banana split. And poison.”

 

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Mom, or Dad, to 4-year-old, weekly: “If you’re going to wrestle the baby, take your shoes off.”

 

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Mom: “You will be punish-ed.”

4-year-old: “Don’t you mean banish-ed?”

[Feeling of satisfaction from parents re: Shakespeare reference made by 4-year-old.]

Mom [minutes later]: “Stop rhyming Banish-ed with Poo-poo head.”

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